Colours of my life

 It’s been too long since I put my thoughts to paper, so to speak, and sent them out into the world with the hope that by sharing I would somehow encourage others also. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to say, it’s been quite the reverse in fact. However, I feel like I’ve suffered from a writers paralysis. There are so many things I want to write about, and yet so much of it is complicated, that I haven’t known how to best express my private voice more publicly. So I stopped for a season, as I haven’t known where to begin, or even if it’s worth beginning again.  After expressing some of the challenges that have made up the current season of life, I was encouraged by someone who knows me well to start writing again. While I’ve been busy offline writing for myself, I thought I’d be brave and start sharing my writing with others again too. It may sound self indulgent, but I do take enjoyment in the act of writing for an audience.  Looking back at what I was writing a ...

 The dreaming began in the Covid lockdowns of 2020. Living in Melbourne meant that for the majority of the next two years, my family and I spent a large proportion of our time confined to our home. It was one of the strictest and longest lockdowns, with limitations on the amount of time one was allowed to stray outside the home each day. Along with time constraints also came restrictions on how far from home one could go. It was in these challenging times that my daughter Kathryn and I would often take our allotted two hour walks together. As we trod the same old, familiar footpaths and gazed appreciatively at the same old familiar landscapes and neighbourhoods, we would often turn our conversation to our favourite topic: If you could go anywhere, where in the world would you most love to go? Our top dream destination was a Greek Island. We both love sea bathing, and the thought of floating endlessly on the clear blue warm waters of the Mediterranean Sea was most alluring.  Dr...

  There is one thing I have been most afraid of my entire life, I have had a fear of death…and not just for myself, for those who are closest to me. It’s not because I fear that there isn’t a God who promises life eternal in heaven or that deep down I don’t believe I’m saved. I think it’s more to do with a fear there will be pain in dying, and being a highly emotional person, I fear the brevity of my emotions. So when my sister was first diagnosed with stage four cancer, I was suddenly forced to grapple what I had long feared the most, the potential of loosing a loved one. The confronting realisation that all of us will die, our lives are in God’s hands, and none of us know how long we have to live in this world. It was taking an abstract biblical truth and then putting flesh and bones on it. A lot of big emotions ran through me on a daily basis, and at first I found it to be a very confusing time as my relationship with my sister was very close but at times complicated. Cancer in ...

There are some seasons of life that we really didn’t ask for or seek out, that in turn throw up big questions to God, questions of “why me?”, “How did this happen?”, “How long is this going to be?”, “How can I face tomorrow?” And maybe alongside these questions are cries of desperation, fear and inadequacy. ”I don’t think I can do this anymore”, “I don’t know what to do next”, “I’m overcome by worry”. These were some of my cries and questions in a season of great fear and anxiety. For me, the circumstances that precipitated this season were centred around parenting teenagers. In every life stage of raising children, I have had many challenges, and each child has had their own particular one’s that needed nuanced wisdom and prayer. But the teen years for one of my kids was a curve ball I didn’t see coming, and when it hit, it was incredibly scary and painful. It affected the whole family, and as a mother I felt a lot of responsibility for what was happening. Home was supposed to be a sa...

The  second season I want to share is one of excitement and adventure. It wasn’t one free from challenge, for I was far from home and support, raising children who were very sensitive to change and dealing with the very normal challenges of the primary school years. But my overwhelming memory is one of excitement and delight. It began with my husband Chris who had for a very long time desired to live and work overseas and have a bit of an adventure. For the first 9 years of marriage, every time he raised the subject I was overwhelmed by fear. I couldn’t imagine leaving my family. After many years of living with simple means we were blessed with a year of plenty and the question was raised again…this time my anxiety was around spending a lot of money on something I was worried was frivolous. I was worried about what others would think of us, was this something a Christian should do. It was a time I really sought God out for wisdom and clarity. Never before had I had choice like this...

I was recently asked to give a talk on growing closer to God through different seasons of life. This blog is part one of a serialisation of my talk. In the coming weeks I’ll share the rest.  When thinking about how we grow closer to God in the different seasons of life, I feel very privileged to be asked to speak on this topic, for this is something I personally treasure. My journey in going deeper with God is uniquely personal and the ways in which I have grown, the approach that I have taken, the lessons God’s had for me and where I find myself now speaking to you today is only testament to God’s grace to me. He has proved faithful, even when I was so many times unfaithful. I am also a little hesitant about speaking on this, for the last thing I want to do is promote one way of devotional life, or one means of connecting with God, for their are no rights or wrongs. Each of you have your own journey, and will be at different points on that journey of growing in maturity. Some of y...