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Showing posts from November, 2023

Seasons of Fear and Illness

There are some seasons of life that we really didn’t ask for or seek out, that in turn throw up big questions to God, questions of “why me?”, “How did this happen?”, “How long is this going to be?”, “How can I face tomorrow?” And maybe alongside these questions are cries of desperation, fear and inadequacy. ”I don’t think I can do this anymore”, “I don’t know what to do next”, “I’m overcome by worry”. These were some of my cries and questions in a season of great fear and anxiety. For me, the circumstances that precipitated this season were centred around parenting teenagers. In every life stage of raising children, I have had many challenges, and each child has had their own particular one’s that needed nuanced wisdom and prayer. But the teen years for one of my kids was a curve ball I didn’t see coming, and when it hit, it was incredibly scary and painful. It affected the whole family, and as a mother I felt a lot of responsibility for what was happening. Home was supposed to be a sa...

Losing my sister.

Where do I even begin? It has been seven weeks since my sister Esther died. It was just over a year ago when she found out she had bowel cancer. Since her shock diagnosis, it has been an emotionally intense year of watching and supporting her through the brutal demands of battling stage 4 cancer. I’ll never forget the night when she rang to tell me her news; it’s impact so visceral it changed how I looked at life and my relationship with her. I couldn’t help but think this kind of news can change the course of a families life and it was at that point I resolved to treasure and make the most of whatever time I was gifted with her. As I pen these words I weep; the grief is raw and deep and the recent memories painful. However, I want to write, I need to write. I have had essays cooped up inside of me all year, pushed down deep, mindful of not wanting to insert myself into a story not my own. For in many ways it was her story, her journey, her battle. I was just her sister; a close friend...