Oh So Excited: Realising a Dream

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 The dreaming began in the Covid lockdowns of 2020. Living in Melbourne meant that for the majority of the next two years, my family and I spent a large proportion of our time confined to our home. It was one of the strictest and longest lockdowns, with limitations on the amount of time one was allowed to stray outside the home each day. Along with time constraints also came restrictions on how far from home one could go. It was in these challenging times that my daughter Kathryn and I would often take our allotted two hour walks together. As we trod the same old, familiar footpaths and gazed appreciatively at the same old familiar landscapes and neighbourhoods, we would often turn our conversation to our favourite topic: If you could go anywhere, where in the world would you most love to go? Our top dream destination was a Greek Island. We both love sea bathing, and the thought of floating endlessly on the clear blue warm waters of the Mediterranean Sea was most alluring.  Dr...
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Are you a good listener? The art of holding your tongue.

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I’ve been treating myself of late to watching previous seasons of The Crown (a Netflix drama) in anticipation for the new series about to air. In one episode, the Queen was bemoaning to her mother, the fact that she felt ill-equipped to converse with the many educated people she was required to meet. She acknowledged a desire to be able to talk more intelligently about matters of science and philosophy, instead of being confined to talking about dogs and horses. Her mother’s response was to say, “You know when to keep your mouth shut; that’s more important than anything.” The conversation is then interrupted by the announcement that the Prime Minister wants to speak with her, to which her mother rudely quips, “You can smile politely while he drones on.”


When it comes to talking with my own children, I confess that I find keeping my mouth shut extremely hard to do. It’s not a skill I naturally possess. For me, it requires much effort to refrain from speaking; taking more mental energy and self control. To ask me to confine my remarks to just asking questions or saying things like, “I can see this is hard for you” without being able to offer advice or an alternative point of view, feels unnatural…like I haven’t finished my sentence. My natural inclination is to speak. To offer wisdom, to tell a story of my own experience, to try and fix the problem, to say something…anything. I can empathise with the Queen’s frustration in being expected to keep her mouth shut, or appear to hold no opinion.

There are many times when my teens just want to vent; to say everything that is going on inside of them, out loud. They don’t want an opinion, they don’t want me to solve anything - they just want me to listen. Neither do they want me to smile politely while they drone on; they can spot a fake a mile away. They want me to be a genuine listener.

Of late, I’ve been getting things horribly wrong. All too often, I have misjudged intentions and moods, and jumped in to saying something, only to find I’ve fallen into another ditch - the one I had climbed out of, hours earlier. Someone has burst into my kitchen with issues and angst, ready to give me a long spiel about how ‘life sucks’, and how it’s the other person’s fault, or teachers really have no clue how to teach; usual teenage complaints. However, the moment I’ve gone to offer advice, or a counter point of view - rolling eyes, facial expressions that clearly convey annoyance, a quip about never understanding, then a swift exit. I’m left with that awful feeling that I’ve messed up again. I ask myself, “What did I say that was so wrong?”

In a recent seminar I attended, “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence” the speaker Chris Hudson offered up 5 parenting traps to avoid, and then 5 things to do. This list is a good prompt for any parent feeling like they’re always falling into common relational traps.

1. Don’t take the bait.

2. Don’t escalate

3. Don’t be blackmailed

4. Don’t take it personally

5. Don’t give up

6. Consistently apply

7. Ask, “Are you okay?”

8. Ask them questions

9. Get curious

10. Keep your opinions




To be a good listener is definitely a skill one needs in ones toolkit to parent teens well. I’ve learned from painful experience that it is wise not to “poke the bear” and to exercise self control for the sake of maintaining a good relationship. While I am entitled to hold an opinion, there is strength of character in being able to wait for an invitation to share it. Fortunately, unlike the Queen, my job description does not require me to resolutely hold firm to being an impartial, stoic figure head - rather a loving, emotionally invested adult who chooses to keep quiet at times and just listen.



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